The problem with "That's just the way I am."

"That's just the way I am."

Those six words can end any conversation. "That's just the way I am." "That's just how he/she is." Doesn't really leave room for flexibility does it? You can almost feel the tension in the words, just by reading them.

Saying "that's just the way I am" is like saying, "period, end of conversation." It means, "I don't know what to tell you but I'm not changing, so either get used to it or give up and leave me alone." Usually, it ends up being the literal version of that because, unless that person truly cares about you, they will leave you alone. Take it from someone who has learned the lesson - the hard way. Personal development is key to success and to better relationships, which requires a certain sense of self awareness. Being self aware of our own challenges and shortcomings helps us to chart a path to developing these areas and quite possibly, making them strengths. It also helps us to build stronger relationships with our friends and family. This requires us to open our eyes, mind and heart to the possibilities and to feedback. "That's just the way I am" is a limitation.


Those words were a regular part of my vocabulary for a long time. I was addicted to the words, "that's just the way I am." They seemed like such a logical reasoning for how I acted or responded or spoke. How could anybody argue with that reasoning? But these words are like using smoke bombs to screen yourself. You get all the smoke and sound, but after the smoke clears, you're still there. You have to first realize that you have been hiding behind  the words before you can understand the need to change. The next step is identifying when you use the words as an excuse and why; probably related to a weakness or bad habit that you're not ready to admit to. The most important thing to remember is you can change. You might even be able to make these weaknesses into strengths.


My best friend told me once, quite simply, "you just can't say that." We weren't best friends then, but we are now. Maybe it's because I actually listened and realized that "just the way I am" really isn't "just who I want to be." Personal development and being open to feedback is the best way to develop our understanding of our inner self. It's also the key to being a great professional and a whole person. How can you improve something if you don't even know that it's in need of an upgrade? How can you begin to really understand yourself, if you don't even acknowledge your shortcomings? We all need to start somewhere, and sometimes it's just as simple as saying "That's not just who I am - I can be, and I am, more."

Are you giving away cookie dough?

I often hear, "I shouldn't allow one person to ruin my day." I know that I am a person that usually allows one person to sully what could have been quite possibly a great day, but I like to believe that the exact opposite is also true and allows for one person to do quite the opposite.

Most recently, I was rushing to the office for a meeting, which means I was also rushing to find a place to park. Unfortunately, my fail-safe parking spot was blocked by a large truck that morning, which happened to be driven by the mailmain. Stupid of me to think that I could honk "nicely" (nicely meaning short and only once) and wave to ask him to move. He proceeded to near my car and yell at me and ask me where he was supposed to park since there were "other cars blocking where he parked". Excuse me mr. mailman. I was unaware that you had a designated parking spot. However, not wanting to cause trouble, I said forget it, and though he was blocking a driveway, I went to find another spot. This parking problem began a snowball effect of lateness and frustration with all of my appointments that day, leading up to my lunch meeting.

However, when arriving to that lunch meeting, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a small ball of cookie dough at the end of our meeting, as the person I met with had realized what a day I had thus far, and knowing I was an addict, sorted through the early shipments of boxes in the kitchen, to get me the one sole piece of sunshine that I needed to turn around my day.

For those of you who may be wondering how one piece of cookie dough can turn around your day, you must not be a sugar addict like me. Or you may not be open to seeing what may seem like trivial or inconsequential acts for what they truly are, something that can completely alter your day. Which made me think...

Am I handing out cookie dough?

It is quiet similar to opening the door for the person behind you, or the concept of paying it forward, but somehow handing out cookie dough has such a better ring to it. So again I ask myself as well as you, the reader, are you handing out cookie dough? What small act of kindness can you do today to make someone's day better, or maybe even better than it already is. Sometimes it's very easy to go through the day in our own worlds, not really relating to the number of strangers we pass in one day, just in the hallway of the office or lunch room. But what would it take to actually see these people, and perhaps "give away a piece of cookie dough" to them? Maybe it's as simple as having candy on your desk...or perhaps not blocking a driveway. But I might be pushing it there...

Steak House Cometh... but with a MMW twist

Some of you may be wondering what is MMW? In order to shorten the title for blog post purposes, Millennial Modern Woman will be referred to as MMW in blog posts from here on out. BUT moving on!

How many of you wish you could afford to have a great steakhouse meal every week? Well at least once a month? I know I would, and so I do - on a budget. For our first recipe article, I'm going to give you some quick and easy tips to create a blue cheese encrusted Filet Mignon with sautteed spinach and rosemary potatoes. YUM!

Everyone likes a good filet, and all you need for this is: a filet cut, a small tub of crumbled gorgonzola or blue cheese from the super market, some olive oil (extra virgin is fine), salt and pepper (fresh cracked salt and pepper is the best - McCormick has grinders!) and you're good to go. Visit your neighborhood meatshop or favorite gourmet store and purchase a filet or what some will call a beef tenderloin cut. I purchased a nice piece that cost me about $10. It was a large steak a with little marble (I prefer less fat but you can go for all the marbling you want).

For your sauteed spinach, you can either purchase spinach in the bag or fresh spinach (just make sure to rip off the leafy tops off your fresh spinach if you prefer this option - it was fun to cook!). You will also need some olive oil (light olive oil works), salt and pepper, and about 2 cloves from a head of garlic - minced.

Finally, for your potatoes, I like the baby golds (they're small and cute and easy to cook). They come in a netted bag in your supermarket. You will also need rosemary (you can use a couple sprigs fresh out of your garden like me or you can use dry - about a tbsp.), olive oil and salt and pepper. Are you seeing the theme with the olive oil, salt and pepper? (Click below to read more)

Knitting Enjoyed by Little Carlo

In case you all were wondering, "Are those knitted gifts made by amateurs actually used?" Let me answer by saying, "Yes!" Baby Carlo (his beautiful mother's picture is feature in the Bride's Maid Part One on October 22, 2009), is featured here in his homemade baby blanket!

So glad that this gift could be enjoyed by those I care for. If you want more tips for making homemade gifts, please check out my September 22, 2009 titled "The Art of Giftgiving - on a budget".

Happy Homemaking!

Finding Yourself.... one quiet moment at a time

I recently attended a presentation on Spirituality, offered as professional development through work - it was titled "Ethics and Character in Tough Economic Times" and was presented by Jon Dalton. I was really intrigued by the topic because of my interest in standards and ethical reasoning, and in general, how I like to think that values are an important part of my daily life. Interestingly enough, the presentation was very much about spirituality and the definition of what spirituality means and how its an important part of daily life.

Now, this normally isn't a program that I would attend, as I don't particularly consider myself a "spiritual" or "religious" person. What I do consider myself is an individual with high moral standards who expects, and considers herself, to be a role model for other women and individuals. While I was raised Catholic and went to all Catholic schools 1st - 12th, I have since lost touch with regular worship. However, what caught me about this presentation by J. Dalton was his "5 Big Questions that Prompt the "Spiritual Quest." For someone like me, they really helped me to understand how much spirituality entwines with our daily life and our motivation to succeed and improve ourselves. (See questions below)

1. Identitiy: Who Am I?
2. Destiny/Calling: Where am I going?
3. Faith: What can I believe in?
4. Wholeness: How can I be happy?
5. Mattering: Will my life make a difference?

I believe these questions to be truly ones that we all ask ourselves throughout our lives, at every single stage. Through the presentation, I came to learn that I really AM a spiritual person, because spiritual isn't defined as religious but is defined as believing in a bigger meaning, a higher power - and in that I can believe in. I do believe in God and I know he's out there - but I think we all have our own way of finding him (or her) and thanking him for everything, and asking him for a little help along the way. 

Just some things to think about, even for me - who rarely spends enough time to sit still to think about nothing.

Part Three: D-Day (Also Known as the Wedding Weekend)

It's finally here! The week of the wedding. You have your bridesmaid dress pressed and ready to go! Or at least you should if you read this article BEFORE the weekend of the wedding. At this time you have also completely planned for the weekend from nails before the rehearsal dinner (depends on the wedding) to how you are going to get back on your plane or in your car on the day after the wedding.

If you haven't, and even if you have, we're going to walk through the weekend step by step to make sure you don't forget a thing!

Before we start however - we have two key rules:

1. Do whatever is going to make the Bride happy and make her wedding weekend easy.
2. BE ON TIME.
   

(note on the picture - what not to do - even if this is a fun candid moment with me and a childhood friend)






Packing for the Wedding:

• If you're flying - plan to carry on your dress. There's nothing worse than a wrinkled bridesmaid. The plane will more than likely have a location to hang your dress (or lay it on top of luggage in the overhead).
• Remember that it's only a weekend (in most cases) so don't pack a lot. On the day of the wedding you should pack a button-down (for when you get your hair done), some pants or shorts (depending on the weather) and some easy shoes. This is your outfit for the hairdresser. You should also pack whatever you're wearing under your bridesmaids dress, the shoes, the makeup, and the jewelry you'll be wearing (never assume you're getting jewelry from the bride). You're going to be in your bridesmaid dress for the remainder of the day after you put it on - so you only need this outfit and your hairdresser outfit for the day of the wedding. For the rehearsal dinner, find out where it is and what the dress code is - dress appropriately. If it's casual - still wear something nicer - dark jeans and a nice top. You are in the bridal party and should look nice - just don't upstage the bride.
• Don't forget your Bride's gift if you are giving one!

The Day of the Rehearsal Dinner

• If you're getting your nails done, bring enough money to cover what you are getting. Some wedding parties cover the costs (how thoughtful) but sometimes they don't. Do not go expecting to have this covered. Be ever so thankful if it is!
• At the rehearsal (if there is one), be sure to pay attention and learn your role for the ceremony. You want to be sure that you're not the person in the bridal party to mess up the wedding video :)
• At the rehearsal dinner - be classy. Be sure to introduce yourself to all of the bridal party, if you haven't already at the church, and be pleasant and fun! Do not over drink at the rehearsal dinner. Remember that you have to be bright eyed and bushy tailed for the wedding and no one wants to be known as the drunk bridesmaid at the rehearsal dinner!
  

The Morning of the Wedding

• Make sure you take care of yourself in regards to food in the morning. You will be running from place to place and item to item for the rest of the day, and to be honest, you're not as important as the Bride. Some families will have food available for the bridal party as they are getting ready, but some may not - so be prepared.
• Come ready with all of your items to get dressed to impress for the wedding. Do not forget a single thing! Your job is to make it easy for the bride and just be there to assist her. 
• Bring your bridal gift with you - if you have time give it to her before she gets dressed. It will be a mushy sentimental moment for all of the bridal party - unless you happen to give her something funny and that will also make the mood! :)

The Wedding:

• Make sure a bridesmaid brings the bride a touch-up kit. This could include make-up, deodorant, chapstick, tissues, heaven forbid - feminine products, bobby pins, pins (in case of a wardrobe malfunction), breathmints or gum and some small snacks. You NEVER know what you might need!
• Assist with the bussel of the dress - no ifs, ands, or buts (no pun intended). It's one of the more challenging points but hey - it comes with the job!
  
• Do not fight with the photographer - I learned this from personal experience. No matter how rude they are being to the bridal party (or bossy), know that your bride hired them for a reason and she is hoping to get some great pictures. So suck it up! (you'll just know you won't use them for your wedding).
• Drink and get boozy AFTER all of the wedding reception details are over- the cake cutting, etc. Once the dance floor is open - you are free to be you (within reason - don't get sick at your friend's wedding). Remember - it's not about you. :)
  

Most important for the Day of the Wedding - Remember to have fun and be fun! This is the most important day of your friend's life and she's choosing to share it with you. Enjoy it and make the most of the weekend!!

The Bride's Maid Part Two: Supporting the Planner, Supporting the Bride

The Planner is the Bride - if you haven't worked that out yet. While we all wish that we could have Jennifer Lopez's character, Maria, as our wedding planner - we also do know that we can't all afford it. For that reason, supporting the Bride as she plans her wedding is critical.

Every Bride is different. You have the laid back bride who has a great maid of honor who will take care of all the details for her shower, her bachlorette party, and for the night before the wedding. Then you also have the Bride who picks an amateur for her maid of honor (please don't be offended if you have been that amateur), but she has a great mom or family member who knows what to do and she picks up the pieces. And then you have that Bride who plans it all - from sun-up to sun-down. She has her schedule and you BETTER follow it. :) I've had them all, and while some of them have been a bit stressful because of the varying Bride demeanor - we must all remember that we are the Bride's maids.

What's your job?

• To PAY for your dress ( do not cop out on this one - remember our last article - make the commitment and stick to it) and to get it fitted so you look nice. You may be wondering, "Who doesn't pay for their dress?" Trust me - I know a few. Hopefully the bride doesn't pick a strapless dress like my four last friends and sisters have - but hey you never know. But don't ruin her pictures because you cheaped the fitting - she's paying an expensive (and sometimes really snobby photographer - more on this in part 3) to get really good pictures with YOU in them.
• To attend the showers if you are within driving distance. Remember that you have to pay for a flight to get there if you are more than driving distance away. It's okay to say no I can't attend if you can't afford two plane tickets (One for the shower and one for the wedding). Don't go into debt on your friends account. Just call her, send her a nice card, and if you can - send her a gift. She'll be appreciative that you called in advance and if she's a true friend or sister she'll completely understand!
• To go all out for the bachlorette party. Remember the reference I made to the amateur before? Good. Now is your time to step in if you are not the amateur I'm referring to. Your friend or sister deserves a FANTASTIC bachlorette party. So take some time to figure out what she wants to do, who she wants to include, and where she wants to go. Even if you can't be there (see bullet #2 - plane ticket costs), you can at least try to help plan it and take some load off the other bridesmaids. Remember that this is is supposed to be fun! and it should be if you plan ahead and keep all the other people in check ( ie. those who may ruin the fun - don't act like you don't know who they are - there's one in every crowd :) and it might even be you - so check yourself!)
• To make plans for where you are staying and how you are getting to the wedding - IN ADVANCE. The last thing you want to do is cause more stress for your Bride. It is NOT her job to get you a room or wonder about how you are getting to the wedding. I repeat - IT IS NOT HER JOB! Take some time to look over your invite, reserve your room (share with friends if it's a bit pricey) and book your flight (or plan your drive) early. Remember to file for your day-off if you need to, and be prepared well in advance. If you're flying, give yourself enough time to get there, if say your plane gets delayed. Take the safe bet and perhaps fly in the day before the rehearsal, or the early morning of of the rehearsal (suck it up and take the 600 AM flight if you have to.) Also remember to arrange how you are getting from the airport and to the hotel, etc.
  
• If the Bride (or Maid of Honor or Mother of the Bride) is making arrangements for nails, hair, etc. Be honest with your times of arrival, arrive on time, and answer your emails or phone calls. Try to be prompt in these responses - as these ladies have a lot of planning to do and you don't want to be the one to hold them up :)
  
• Finally - begin plans for a Bridal gift. This is a tradition that I have started early in my years as a Bride's Maid. The Bride usually get the bridesmaids gifts that are given on the night of the rehearsal dinner. These can be mementos, jewelry you are to wear on the day of the wedding, etc. But what women don't consider is a gift for the bride from her closest friends (because that's who the bridesmaids are). The morning or afternoon before the actual ceremony is your last time with your single, soon-to-be-married friend or sister. Why not make it memorable? Some gifts that I have used in the past? A charm anklet with a charm from every maid - it's invisible under her dress and she's carrying a piece of you with her. A scrapbook with pictures and notes from the bridesmaids - a great memento. Use your noodle and come up with something fun and something she'll cherish :)

Stay tuned for Part 3: D-Day (D-day. The unnamed day on which a particular operation commences or is to commence).