The Bride's Maid Part Two: Supporting the Planner, Supporting the Bride

The Planner is the Bride - if you haven't worked that out yet. While we all wish that we could have Jennifer Lopez's character, Maria, as our wedding planner - we also do know that we can't all afford it. For that reason, supporting the Bride as she plans her wedding is critical.

Every Bride is different. You have the laid back bride who has a great maid of honor who will take care of all the details for her shower, her bachlorette party, and for the night before the wedding. Then you also have the Bride who picks an amateur for her maid of honor (please don't be offended if you have been that amateur), but she has a great mom or family member who knows what to do and she picks up the pieces. And then you have that Bride who plans it all - from sun-up to sun-down. She has her schedule and you BETTER follow it. :) I've had them all, and while some of them have been a bit stressful because of the varying Bride demeanor - we must all remember that we are the Bride's maids.

What's your job?

• To PAY for your dress ( do not cop out on this one - remember our last article - make the commitment and stick to it) and to get it fitted so you look nice. You may be wondering, "Who doesn't pay for their dress?" Trust me - I know a few. Hopefully the bride doesn't pick a strapless dress like my four last friends and sisters have - but hey you never know. But don't ruin her pictures because you cheaped the fitting - she's paying an expensive (and sometimes really snobby photographer - more on this in part 3) to get really good pictures with YOU in them.
• To attend the showers if you are within driving distance. Remember that you have to pay for a flight to get there if you are more than driving distance away. It's okay to say no I can't attend if you can't afford two plane tickets (One for the shower and one for the wedding). Don't go into debt on your friends account. Just call her, send her a nice card, and if you can - send her a gift. She'll be appreciative that you called in advance and if she's a true friend or sister she'll completely understand!
• To go all out for the bachlorette party. Remember the reference I made to the amateur before? Good. Now is your time to step in if you are not the amateur I'm referring to. Your friend or sister deserves a FANTASTIC bachlorette party. So take some time to figure out what she wants to do, who she wants to include, and where she wants to go. Even if you can't be there (see bullet #2 - plane ticket costs), you can at least try to help plan it and take some load off the other bridesmaids. Remember that this is is supposed to be fun! and it should be if you plan ahead and keep all the other people in check ( ie. those who may ruin the fun - don't act like you don't know who they are - there's one in every crowd :) and it might even be you - so check yourself!)
• To make plans for where you are staying and how you are getting to the wedding - IN ADVANCE. The last thing you want to do is cause more stress for your Bride. It is NOT her job to get you a room or wonder about how you are getting to the wedding. I repeat - IT IS NOT HER JOB! Take some time to look over your invite, reserve your room (share with friends if it's a bit pricey) and book your flight (or plan your drive) early. Remember to file for your day-off if you need to, and be prepared well in advance. If you're flying, give yourself enough time to get there, if say your plane gets delayed. Take the safe bet and perhaps fly in the day before the rehearsal, or the early morning of of the rehearsal (suck it up and take the 600 AM flight if you have to.) Also remember to arrange how you are getting from the airport and to the hotel, etc.
  
• If the Bride (or Maid of Honor or Mother of the Bride) is making arrangements for nails, hair, etc. Be honest with your times of arrival, arrive on time, and answer your emails or phone calls. Try to be prompt in these responses - as these ladies have a lot of planning to do and you don't want to be the one to hold them up :)
  
• Finally - begin plans for a Bridal gift. This is a tradition that I have started early in my years as a Bride's Maid. The Bride usually get the bridesmaids gifts that are given on the night of the rehearsal dinner. These can be mementos, jewelry you are to wear on the day of the wedding, etc. But what women don't consider is a gift for the bride from her closest friends (because that's who the bridesmaids are). The morning or afternoon before the actual ceremony is your last time with your single, soon-to-be-married friend or sister. Why not make it memorable? Some gifts that I have used in the past? A charm anklet with a charm from every maid - it's invisible under her dress and she's carrying a piece of you with her. A scrapbook with pictures and notes from the bridesmaids - a great memento. Use your noodle and come up with something fun and something she'll cherish :)

Stay tuned for Part 3: D-Day (D-day. The unnamed day on which a particular operation commences or is to commence).