Part Three: D-Day (Also Known as the Wedding Weekend)

It's finally here! The week of the wedding. You have your bridesmaid dress pressed and ready to go! Or at least you should if you read this article BEFORE the weekend of the wedding. At this time you have also completely planned for the weekend from nails before the rehearsal dinner (depends on the wedding) to how you are going to get back on your plane or in your car on the day after the wedding.

If you haven't, and even if you have, we're going to walk through the weekend step by step to make sure you don't forget a thing!

Before we start however - we have two key rules:

1. Do whatever is going to make the Bride happy and make her wedding weekend easy.
2. BE ON TIME.
   

(note on the picture - what not to do - even if this is a fun candid moment with me and a childhood friend)






Packing for the Wedding:

• If you're flying - plan to carry on your dress. There's nothing worse than a wrinkled bridesmaid. The plane will more than likely have a location to hang your dress (or lay it on top of luggage in the overhead).
• Remember that it's only a weekend (in most cases) so don't pack a lot. On the day of the wedding you should pack a button-down (for when you get your hair done), some pants or shorts (depending on the weather) and some easy shoes. This is your outfit for the hairdresser. You should also pack whatever you're wearing under your bridesmaids dress, the shoes, the makeup, and the jewelry you'll be wearing (never assume you're getting jewelry from the bride). You're going to be in your bridesmaid dress for the remainder of the day after you put it on - so you only need this outfit and your hairdresser outfit for the day of the wedding. For the rehearsal dinner, find out where it is and what the dress code is - dress appropriately. If it's casual - still wear something nicer - dark jeans and a nice top. You are in the bridal party and should look nice - just don't upstage the bride.
• Don't forget your Bride's gift if you are giving one!

The Day of the Rehearsal Dinner

• If you're getting your nails done, bring enough money to cover what you are getting. Some wedding parties cover the costs (how thoughtful) but sometimes they don't. Do not go expecting to have this covered. Be ever so thankful if it is!
• At the rehearsal (if there is one), be sure to pay attention and learn your role for the ceremony. You want to be sure that you're not the person in the bridal party to mess up the wedding video :)
• At the rehearsal dinner - be classy. Be sure to introduce yourself to all of the bridal party, if you haven't already at the church, and be pleasant and fun! Do not over drink at the rehearsal dinner. Remember that you have to be bright eyed and bushy tailed for the wedding and no one wants to be known as the drunk bridesmaid at the rehearsal dinner!
  

The Morning of the Wedding

• Make sure you take care of yourself in regards to food in the morning. You will be running from place to place and item to item for the rest of the day, and to be honest, you're not as important as the Bride. Some families will have food available for the bridal party as they are getting ready, but some may not - so be prepared.
• Come ready with all of your items to get dressed to impress for the wedding. Do not forget a single thing! Your job is to make it easy for the bride and just be there to assist her. 
• Bring your bridal gift with you - if you have time give it to her before she gets dressed. It will be a mushy sentimental moment for all of the bridal party - unless you happen to give her something funny and that will also make the mood! :)

The Wedding:

• Make sure a bridesmaid brings the bride a touch-up kit. This could include make-up, deodorant, chapstick, tissues, heaven forbid - feminine products, bobby pins, pins (in case of a wardrobe malfunction), breathmints or gum and some small snacks. You NEVER know what you might need!
• Assist with the bussel of the dress - no ifs, ands, or buts (no pun intended). It's one of the more challenging points but hey - it comes with the job!
  
• Do not fight with the photographer - I learned this from personal experience. No matter how rude they are being to the bridal party (or bossy), know that your bride hired them for a reason and she is hoping to get some great pictures. So suck it up! (you'll just know you won't use them for your wedding).
• Drink and get boozy AFTER all of the wedding reception details are over- the cake cutting, etc. Once the dance floor is open - you are free to be you (within reason - don't get sick at your friend's wedding). Remember - it's not about you. :)
  

Most important for the Day of the Wedding - Remember to have fun and be fun! This is the most important day of your friend's life and she's choosing to share it with you. Enjoy it and make the most of the weekend!!

The Bride's Maid Part Two: Supporting the Planner, Supporting the Bride

The Planner is the Bride - if you haven't worked that out yet. While we all wish that we could have Jennifer Lopez's character, Maria, as our wedding planner - we also do know that we can't all afford it. For that reason, supporting the Bride as she plans her wedding is critical.

Every Bride is different. You have the laid back bride who has a great maid of honor who will take care of all the details for her shower, her bachlorette party, and for the night before the wedding. Then you also have the Bride who picks an amateur for her maid of honor (please don't be offended if you have been that amateur), but she has a great mom or family member who knows what to do and she picks up the pieces. And then you have that Bride who plans it all - from sun-up to sun-down. She has her schedule and you BETTER follow it. :) I've had them all, and while some of them have been a bit stressful because of the varying Bride demeanor - we must all remember that we are the Bride's maids.

What's your job?

• To PAY for your dress ( do not cop out on this one - remember our last article - make the commitment and stick to it) and to get it fitted so you look nice. You may be wondering, "Who doesn't pay for their dress?" Trust me - I know a few. Hopefully the bride doesn't pick a strapless dress like my four last friends and sisters have - but hey you never know. But don't ruin her pictures because you cheaped the fitting - she's paying an expensive (and sometimes really snobby photographer - more on this in part 3) to get really good pictures with YOU in them.
• To attend the showers if you are within driving distance. Remember that you have to pay for a flight to get there if you are more than driving distance away. It's okay to say no I can't attend if you can't afford two plane tickets (One for the shower and one for the wedding). Don't go into debt on your friends account. Just call her, send her a nice card, and if you can - send her a gift. She'll be appreciative that you called in advance and if she's a true friend or sister she'll completely understand!
• To go all out for the bachlorette party. Remember the reference I made to the amateur before? Good. Now is your time to step in if you are not the amateur I'm referring to. Your friend or sister deserves a FANTASTIC bachlorette party. So take some time to figure out what she wants to do, who she wants to include, and where she wants to go. Even if you can't be there (see bullet #2 - plane ticket costs), you can at least try to help plan it and take some load off the other bridesmaids. Remember that this is is supposed to be fun! and it should be if you plan ahead and keep all the other people in check ( ie. those who may ruin the fun - don't act like you don't know who they are - there's one in every crowd :) and it might even be you - so check yourself!)
• To make plans for where you are staying and how you are getting to the wedding - IN ADVANCE. The last thing you want to do is cause more stress for your Bride. It is NOT her job to get you a room or wonder about how you are getting to the wedding. I repeat - IT IS NOT HER JOB! Take some time to look over your invite, reserve your room (share with friends if it's a bit pricey) and book your flight (or plan your drive) early. Remember to file for your day-off if you need to, and be prepared well in advance. If you're flying, give yourself enough time to get there, if say your plane gets delayed. Take the safe bet and perhaps fly in the day before the rehearsal, or the early morning of of the rehearsal (suck it up and take the 600 AM flight if you have to.) Also remember to arrange how you are getting from the airport and to the hotel, etc.
  
• If the Bride (or Maid of Honor or Mother of the Bride) is making arrangements for nails, hair, etc. Be honest with your times of arrival, arrive on time, and answer your emails or phone calls. Try to be prompt in these responses - as these ladies have a lot of planning to do and you don't want to be the one to hold them up :)
  
• Finally - begin plans for a Bridal gift. This is a tradition that I have started early in my years as a Bride's Maid. The Bride usually get the bridesmaids gifts that are given on the night of the rehearsal dinner. These can be mementos, jewelry you are to wear on the day of the wedding, etc. But what women don't consider is a gift for the bride from her closest friends (because that's who the bridesmaids are). The morning or afternoon before the actual ceremony is your last time with your single, soon-to-be-married friend or sister. Why not make it memorable? Some gifts that I have used in the past? A charm anklet with a charm from every maid - it's invisible under her dress and she's carrying a piece of you with her. A scrapbook with pictures and notes from the bridesmaids - a great memento. Use your noodle and come up with something fun and something she'll cherish :)

Stay tuned for Part 3: D-Day (D-day. The unnamed day on which a particular operation commences or is to commence).

The Bride's Maid Part One: Joining the Wedding Party

I have been fortunate to have been in five weddings in the past two and a half years, with more scheduled to come. I've had the lime green, chocolate, watermelon, Tiffany's blue, and red bridesmaid dress. Only one was not strapless - unfortunately. But I loved them just the same!! Noting all the experiences I've had with weddings this far, this next series will be focusing on "The Bride's Maid" and because truly - the Millenial Modern Woman is the bridesmaid of today.

But first, before we get into this week's blog post and the first part of this next series titled "The Bride's Maid," we need to discuss why this series is titled "The Bride's Maid" and NOT "The Bridesmaid." I think what many people forget during weddings is if you're not the bride or the groom (well sometimes even the groom) - you're an accessory. The bridesmaid truly is - the Bride's MAID - and for good reason. Though I have yet to get married, though I hope one day it will eventually happen, I do recognize why the bridesmaid exists. For one, planning a wedding is difficult! Gathering a large number of people for a ceremony and really fancy party when you have never done it before, all while making a lifetime committment to one person, is HARD. Hence - you get maids - to HELP you. And so, I title this series "The Bride's Maid."

Joining the wedding party can be very exciting! However, many people stop to think about what this involves. For one, you are joining an event, and a show in a way, for a very important friend or family member! Yes - a show. You're on stage and performing,whether it's a church wedding where you're walking down the aisle (remembering to smile), or you are teaching a party dance at the reception to get people up and enjoying the festivities. You are ON from the moment you wake up on the rehearsal day until you make it back to your home or hotel room the night of the wedding (or early morning of the day after). You SHOULD be tired. But more about this later in Part Three- The Wedding.

Most important to remember is the costs associated with being a part of the wedding. Many individuals think it's just about the tux or the bridesmaid dress. However, if you are an out-of-towner, you must consider the flight or gas to arrive to your destination (and parking for your car or perhaps doggy daycare), the hotel room (you shouldn't be relying on the bride to put you up - remember that it's not about you), meals, etc. Even if you are from in town, you need to consider the dress or tux, the alterations, and other items that might pop up. Now I'm not trying to discourage those who may be on a budget, like myself, but I have seen the occasional bride be "jilted" by a maid that just couldn't afford to be in the wedding after they had made the commitment. The polite thing to do, I repeat, the polite thing to do when you know that you cannot afford the costs associated with a wedding is to let your friend or family member know. It is disappointing, don't get me wrong, but if he or she is a true friend they will understand. We all have budgets and putting bridesmaid dresses on your credit card (for example - three for me), doesn't help when you're trying to save.

Make sure you are COMMITTED when you accept the invitation to be a bridesmaid. Be sure you are willing to take on all that comes with being a Bride's Maid. Being a true friend means making your friend or family member's wedding the best and easiest it can possibly be!

Next: Check out The Bride's Maid Part Two: Supporting the Planner, Supporting the Bride